Game-day Bonanza : Habs – Capitals
Fuck yo white house!
Let’s look at both teams:
Our year so far: Still 4th in the East. The team has 5 more points than at the same point last year. We’ve scored 6 more goals and allowed 12 fewer. I’m not sure whether this is funny or sad, but the team’s leading point-getter (Hollywood) ranks 63rd among the league leaders. Not to mention the powerplay, which has been more of the really weird cousin named Jonas who barely talks and likes wearing TShirts of birds that are mating than the cousin whose name is Stacey and who likes to wear mini skirts that show way more than they should, but you’re not complaining. I mean the powerplay sucks.
Their year so far: Sitting comfortably atop of their division. The Whalers are 10 points back and they have a game more than the Caps, so unless Ovechkin decides to play like Patrik Stefan for the rest of the season, they’re good for a playoff spot at least.
Good guy updates: Halak gets another start in nets, Kinder Surprise is still out with an ‘undisclosed’ injury. cough*CHLAMYDIA!*cough! Should be the same lines, but I’m hearing Greek Sleek is out. Yeah, he joins the other 109092 guys we have on IR.
Enemy updates: Must. Stop. Ovechkin.
Soft spot for the enemy: Theo? He just wanted to grow his hair guys.
Who will probably score for us: Andrei K. 6 pts in the last 3! That’s what I’m talking about!
Who will probably score on us: Theodore. The curse of the traded players man. Radek Bonk, Sergei Samsonov, Mike Ribeiro…if you wana trade them, send them to Europe with Jaromir.
Who will definitely not score for us: BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZER! “Did you just grab my nutsack!?” “NO! THAT WAS THE BREEZE!”
Who will definitely not score on us: Chris Clark.
Prediction: Can we beat them, please? Yeah, I know we’re on a 8-1-1 run, but if we don’t beat the teams that are ahead of us in the standings, then we’re just like…the Penguins or something. I don’t wana live in the North Pole and walk funny. Habs 5-1 Capitals! Yeah, I said it. If I’m way off, don’t judge.
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