Oh my goodness. Brand new season. I can’t believe it’s here. Can you believe it? I can’t. It’s like, been so long and stuff. No matter what happened last year, everything is fresh this year. New faces, new coaches, new armor-all scent repellent. Let’s do this! It’s only fitting that the first game of the season is against Toronto. They’re gona come out trying to hit everything in sight, so as long as we keep moving our legs, they’re gona take all the penalties.

Let’s look at both teams:
Our year so far: We just started. This is a stupid category. I should totally remove it.

Their year so far: THEY SUCK! Rumors have been making the rounds that fans of the team have been asked to be put in a cryogenic state so they can be revived in the next 500 years when the Leafs make it into the playoffs again. OOOOOO! TopShelfHabs 1-0 Leafs! BOO-YA!

Good guy updates: The Price is right? is in nets. Sergei K is in exodus for being a little bitch. Hammatime might not play, meaning the newly fucken rejuvenated Ryan O’Byrne is in to take his place.

Enemy updates: Mike something something. YOU’RE A CUNT!

Soft spot for the enemy: Beauchemin? Not even. Screw ‘em all.

Who will probably score for us: Ryan O’Byrne. If he does, I’ll upload a video of me eating my dog’s underwear.

Who will probably score on us: Phil Kessel. lol.

Who will definitely not score for us: Saku Koivu

Who will definitely not score on us: Komi-SUCK!

Get well soon: Sergei Kostitsyn I guess?

Prediction: The first fighting major to occur within the first five minutes. Mike Komisarek to attempt to crush someone and probably succeed. Brian Gionta to score.

Habs-Leafs. 2009/10 season. Let’s do this?