Game-day Bonanza : Habs – Penguins
MELON ARENA! HAHA! IT’S ALMOST AS BAD AS GAYLORD ENTERTAINMENT CENTER!
Let’s look at both teams:
Our year so far: There’s gona be lots of overweight hockey players on the ice tonight. You know Komisarek loves eatin’ his turkey, he probably ate 7 just by himself. Eggnog, mashed potatoes, Gravy, Chicken Pot pie, Pumpkin Pie, MMMM YEAH! …wrong holiday…?
Their year so far: The birds are tied with us on points, but have played 2 games more ’cause they felt like it. They are 4-6-0 in their last 10. Boston is 9-1-0. I know we’re not playing da brouns tonight, but holy fuck man, it’s like the ’96 Bulls or something. Celtics are doing amazing, Bruins are doing amazing, Tom Brady is fucking Gisele Bundchen. Times are good in Mass-of-two-shits.
Good guy updates: Chips Ahoy and Pacioretty have been called up, but it is likely that neither of them will make the bike out of Hamilton and therefore will not play tonight. Dirty Harry Sr. will play with Pleks and Kovy. Number 31 is also back, and if you add 3 and 1, it makes 4. 4 is also Vincent Lecavalier’s number. OMG! SUPERSTITION! IS LECAVALIER ABOUT TO SIGN WITH THE HABS!?!??!? DISCUSS!
Enemy updates:Malkin is one ugly son of a placenta, but he’s got 59 points in 35 games. Some guy named Crosby has 47.
Soft spot for the enemy: Marc-Andre Fleury. Sexy bitch.
Who will probably score for us: TOMAS FUCKEN PLEKANEC! COME ON YOU TURTLE NECK WEARING CZECH SCORING MACHINE!
Who will probably score on us: Goligoski. Just ’cause he sounds like he should be some kind of gargoyle.
Who will definitely not score for us: Georges Laraque. HAHA EES SO FUNNY COS HE NO PLAAY TOUNAIGHT!
Who will definitely not score on us: Mario Lemieux. Or Claude. Neither of ‘em, that’s for sure.
Prediction: We do good between the melons, so we’ll win 3-2 tonight.
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