The day we hit the golf course : Habs 1-4 Bruins
I’ll get around to writing when I feel like it. For now, I want all of you to go and FUCKEN CRY! Or no, go out and enjoy the sun. Don’t think about hockey. Fuck hockey.
Sometimes, the birds just won’t sing
What can you say? Once again, it wasn’t for lack of effort.
The start of the game was as loud and as enegetic as I can remember a playoff game being. The boys battled hard. They went to the net and hit the guys in black and yellow, but at the end of the day, if you can’t score goals, you won’t win games. (unless you’re like, bowling or something)
I’m no expert (if you want educated opinions what the fuck are you doing here?), I’m a Montreal Canadiens fan. I said, even before this series started, that this team could take down the Bruins a la Andrew Raycroft’s career. Do I still believe that? My heart does, my brain doesn’t. But then again, my brain told me to expose myself to my 85 year old great-aunt when I was 4, so who knows.
What’s the difference between last year’s team and this year’s team? Other than Yvon Pedneault being replaced by that clown they call Benoit ‘AI-YAI-YAI!’ Brunet, not much. Let me say something, a general manager’s job is to improve his team from the day the season ends to the day a new season starts. Did Bob Gainey do that? Yes, that is undisputable.
He added size and grit in Georges Laraque, he added creativity and offensive threat with Alex Tanguay, and finally, he added a right hand shot, a veteran presence and a hip-hop mogul in Robert Lang. Like I said, he made his team a better unit than what it was the year before.
But injuries are as much part of the game as anything else, and guys going down (hehe) have hurt this team. That, also, is undisputable.
What other team in the NHL, let alone the East, can lose its top point-getter three times during the season and still be able to be competitive? First it was Tanguay going down, and then Robert Lang, followed by Andrei Markov. Not to mention the other absences here and there of players like Saku Koivu, Chris Higgins, Guilaume Latendresse, Mathieu Dandenault, Mike Komisarek, Marcel Hossa, Carey Price, etc.
Going back to last night’s game, there wasn’t much difference between the two teams in terms of puck posession and chances on goal. The major difference was that they capitalized on their chances and we didn’t. That and the fact that our powerplay has a harder time setting up than a fake Gucci salesman in New York’s Chinatown.
When you go into a game with Yannick Weber and Ryan O’Byrne as your third defensive pairing, it’s not looking too good. But even with the absences of all those key guys, they still battled. They took the lead, they came back into the game, but at the end, it just seems that Boston always find a way to score.
Do we deserve to be 0-3 down in this series? I’ll let you be the judge of that, but if you ask me, I’ll say no. Games 1 and 3 could have gone either way, but that’s the way the sports gods make the cookie crumble.
Don’t get me wrong, like I said before, we faced the hardest team we could have faced. Claude ‘FUCK YOU BOB GAINEY!’ Julien has his team playing smart, discplined hockey and they’re very hard to beat, but if a couple of bounces had gone our way in terms of game-play and injuries this could have been very different.
Is it over? Only two teams have ever come back from a 0-3 series deficit, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned watching this team, it’s that they always adore digging themselves the biggest hole possible to dig themselves out of.
I’m not saying a comeback is about to happen, so don’t go out and bet your wife’s boobjob on tomorrow’s game, but I’ve seen way too many strange things happen in sports to count anything out.
We’re here, let’s make it count
82 games were played in the regular season to get to where we are right now. The players, and fans, have had to endure a very average centennial season.
But having gotten here, we can’t look back on that. We played 82 games and got just enough points to be in the postseason, and we have to make it count.
Forget the two games in Boston, there’s no use looking back at them now. Game 1 was our best chance of winning one on the road but it didn’t happen. We had no business winning game 2 and the Bruins deservedly got the W.
The playoffs aren’t a place for boo-birds. If you’re one of the lucky few who managed to get tickets to tonight’s game, cheer loud for the guys in red.
I love Carey Price as much as the next 15 year old girl, but the kid’s confidence is sinking by game. Remember, this is a guy who was drafted 5th overall in ’05, and Gainey has put all his confidence in the 21 year old.
Will he go with Price again tonight? I don’t know that. But what I do know, other than the fact that condoms suck, is that it’s not good for the ‘Franchise’s’ confidence to have been pulled and replaced in a playoff game two years in a row.
Milan Lucic isn’t playing tonight, but I don’t give a fucken fuck about Milan Lucic. We have to stop giving up our blueline so easily, be better defensively, get scoring from someone that’s not named Alex Kovalev and be more disciplined. If we do these things and play with intensity, we have a good chance of beating this Bruins team.
This edition of the Boston Bruins isn’t much better than this edition of your Montreal Canadiens, but they are way more confident. A team that loses its top scorer 3 times during the regular season and its best player for the start of the playoffs will always be shaken up.
But the players have to find something, anything, inside them to keep going and keep going hard. Tonight they’re coming to our house, so let’s make it count.
The day we sucked : Habs 1-5 Bruins (Game 2)
Well, that was refreshing…TO MAH COCK!
What the fuck was that? It seemed like every half chance they got they buried.
Does anyone else think it would have benefited Carey Price if he had spent a full year playing in the AHL? But noooo, Bob had to bring him up! Jocelyn Thibeault, where art thou!
We dominated the first 10 minutes and then Sergei ‘I’m the new Saku Koivu’ Kostitsyn decided to needlessly hook and go in the box. BAM! BOSTON GOAL!
I’m not blaming the loss on Price, but sometimes you goalie just has to make these saves. I’m not asking for all the time, but most of the time. Like, maybe a 80-20 split. Or like a 75-25. Or like a 72-28. Is that too much to ask?
But with all the shit that happened, believe it or not, the scoreboard flattered the Bruins. That was not a 5-1 game, ladies and gents and Jim Dowds. The difference was that they took their chances and didn’t take any stupid penalties.
And oh yeah, one more thing. I hope Lucic dies, because what he did has no place in the game. Lapierre is an annoying player to play against but you don’t crosscheck someone in the face. He’s not doing shit all game long and with his team 5-1 up and with 5 minutes left, then he decides to be a little fuckhole? Fuck you Milan. No, not you Italy. Milan Lucic. I don’t know why he fucken copied your name, ask him not me.
Bob, put Tongue with Captain Hook and Kovy please. Give Dandy some strippers. Buy Kovy a new Bentley. Smile every once in a while. The team looks at you and want to cut themselves.
It`s not looking good, but in sports you just never know. Let’s get a win in game 3 and build on that. Take it one by one now, just like anal for the first time.
Time to get a win, boys!
The nastiness at the end of Thursday’s game is sure to transport itself into tonight’s uhhh, friendly affair.
Habs-Bruins. Seriously, so many of these previews have been done and overdone that it’s useless to talk about them anymore.
The only thing of note is that Matt Hunwick was transported to hospital earlier today and will not be in the B’s lineup, instead Shane Hnidy taking his spot. All the best for Hunwick, one of the only Bruins who rightly said the incident with Komisarek at the end of the game was all ‘playoff hockey’ and not ‘a rape attempt’.
Francis Bouillon might come back, sentencing Patrice to a longer life. Tomas Plekanec is dead.
Let’s get a win here and strippers are all on me. But I’m not rich, so they might be one legged strippers who do coke and have been with Kobe Bryant. They put the DAYUUUUM in BAM MARGERA.
Seriously, let’s not take stupid penalties and outwork them. Let’s be as opportunistic as Neil Armstrong when he met the aliens.
Oh yeah, did anyone read this? Someone should teach this clown what ‘steamrolled’ means.
I really really hope somebody took this article, printed it out, and dropped it off in the Habs’ dressing room. They say never, ever, provoke your opponent.
The day we let it slip : Montreal Canadiens 2-4 Boston Bruins (Game 1)
Ladies and gentlemen of this fine city, stand up and give your Montreal Canadiens a bit of credit, because for all the crap they’ve taken from you during this season, that was a pretty heroic effort they put in last night against the supposedly ‘Big Bad Bruins’.
Life isn’t fair, eh? And hockey’s even less fair than life.
In a game where we pretty much dominated the second half, a 4-2 loss wasn’t the correct indication of how the game was played out.
It wasn’t for lack of effort, but rather for lack of discipline. If Josh Gorges hadn’t taken that useless penaty which lead to Fuckara’s winner, I have a feeling we had a slightly better chance of winning that game.
The B’s raced off to a 2-0 start, and all the ‘analysts’ wet their pants in the thoughts of their dreams coming true in actually correctly predicting a series.
But low and behold, the game still had to be played!!!! And the Canadiens went to work.
Chris Higgins scored finished off a beauty of a passing play past the sprawling Tim Thomas, and then Alex Kovalev tied it all up with some vintage Russian Kovy.
Did we put a bit of doubt in their heads? Yes.
Were the 12 Boston fans at the TD Banknorth Garden starting to turn on their team? Yes.
Did I enjoy my cheese sticks? Damn right.
You can say ll you want about George Laraque’s worth to the team, but he got into Chara’s head. Tell yourself he didn’t if you want, but hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.
Glen Metropolit played a very solid game, and he’s quickly becoming one of my favorite players.
Kovy did the best a man with a 7 foot gorilla on his back could, can’t be fulted. Saku battled hard, and that’s the captain’s job. His couple of hits on the B’s captain left Chara going: “Vat dee hell? Dat vas Saku? I thought he like me!”
Plekanec played 10 minutes and didn’t help the team at all. Pleks has to be better if he has a future here. Do you think Bob will sit him for a game and tell Sergei to play at center? Maybe the brother can get something going? They did come out of the same vagina…
Oh yeah, FUCK YOU GUY CARBONNEAU for almost driving Dandy out of this team. He played an almost perfect game last night and was one of our most physical D men. Give him 2 more years Bob. He finished a fucken shift with a fucken broken arm. Do you guys realise how much a broken arm hurts?
Carey did pretty well, but he should have held onto that puck for the Kessel goal. Mike Komisarek played better, and Roman Hamrlik put in a very good 25 minutes of hockey.
I’m not getting carried away, but Anaheim did it to San Jose last night. The Sharks are still trying to figure out how they got shut out. We’re gona have to play a perfect game, but it can be done.
I will keep repeating it: this version of the Boston Bruins isn’t as good as people make them out to be. Yes, they played just well enough to earn a win last night, but they can be beaten. Their first 2 goals were mistakes on our part, and if we cut out the mistakes from our game, we have a good chance of doing something good. They move the puck well and have a scary powerplay, but that can be countered if we play our best. That’s the thing: they force teams to be almost perfect to beat them, but I still believe this team can pull it off.
There are favorites and there are underdogs, that’s what sports are all about. But judging from last night, I think the players in black and yellow are starting to think this might not be as easy as they thought after all.
Hey, I guess that’s why they play the games?
Nothing else to say…
That matchups have been talked about. The players analysed. The predictions have been made. Now, all we can do is just wait for puckdrop.
When the game gets underway tonight at the TD Banknorth Garden, a new chapter in this rivalry will be waiting to be written.
There’s no doubt that history favors the Canadiens, but that goes out the window. Come puckdrop time, there will be two teams fighting for their playoff lives.
As I sit here in my Lasalle appartment, I can already hear cars honking and noisemakers go off. The city’s ready, and it seems like 82 games in the regular season have been completely erased out of most people’s memory.
It doesn’t matter which team is bigger, which team has better players, which team has more passionate fans (although we obviously rock our cocks and they suck like chuck), this often is decided by who wants it more than the other, who’s willing to fight that extra second longer to get it.
Zdeno Chara is supposedly a human, and if the Iceman can take him out of the game for at least 5 minutes, I’d put Kovy on the ice for those 5 minutes.
Marc Savard cannot be given time to work. Our D has to play at 100%, and I’m not just talking about the 2 guys in front of Carey. The forwards have to come back and help, we can’t afford to give them any odd-man rushes. This isn’t a gay 4 pay porno.
We have to get some secondary scoring going. Tomas Plekanec, you are one of the smartest players in the NHL. The game is played on ICE, so WHY WOULDN’T you wear a turtle neck!? Ya’ gotta keep warm, but ya’ also gotta score some goals TurtlePleks. Do it for John Lennon.
Carey Price, I know you’re 21 years old and playing goal for the Montreal Canadiens is more stressful than playing wife to Mike Tyson, but you have so much natural talent, block everything out and make that goal YOUR OWN! It’s your house, and you have to stop rubber getting into your house. Insurance doesn’t cover that.
Alex Kovalev, you are ranked in my top 3 in terms of pure talent in the whole NHL, so use that talent. Play like you’ve been playing these past few weeks. Don’t let them intimidate you. If Zdeno roughs you up, which he will, tell him he’s ugly and you’ve got much nicer hair, and then tell Georges to fuck him up a little bit after the game. You guys should meet him outside with some tuna fish, a baseball bat and a barbecue.
Milan Lucic, you’re gona get yours.
Komo. You, me, a bottle of spermicidal lube, Paul Mitchell and a shitload of stripper coupons. It’s happening.
Do you guys really need any more motivation? The city of Boston as a whole is pretty much banking on a sweep, you have nothing to prove, but everything to fight for. Listen to some rap beforehand, listen to some Rage Against the Machine – pump yourselves up. Protect yourselves from gonorrhea and Chararea, and fight hard.
The only way we’re gona lose is if they beat us. Put that in your heads.
Everything that’s happened during the past 6 months? Means shit now. The ‘expert analysts’ are saying you don’t have a snowball’s chance in Cancun in July. Too bad you can’t spell analysts without ‘anal’.
I just have a funny feeling we’re gona make a lot of those ‘experts’ look pretty stupid…
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups : Montreal Canadiens VS Boston Bruins
You know, there’s a funny thing about sports. They say only a fool would bet on the outcome of a game; a fool or a Boston Bruins fan.
To prove that theory, just about everyone who’s ever seen ice or snow in their life is willing to bet their kids’ college funds and teeth on this edition of the Bruins to beat this edition of our Montreal Canadiens.
If I’ve learned anything in my 18 years watching professional sports, it’s this: never bet on sports. You can’t. There are too many intangibles during the course of a game that decide the final outcome.
Last year, we were the heavy favorites. This year, they are. Plays right into our hands, doesn’t it? You can sense it; the city of Montreal holding its collective breath waiting for puck-drop come Thursday.
Andrei Makov is highly doubtful, Carey Price hasn’t played like the sex he’s supposed to be, the team just hasn’t produced like it did last year, our D has been fragile, our overall state has been comparable to that of the New York Islanders.
What some people fail to remember is the amount of injuries we’ve suffered this year. I hate to blame the bobos, but I believe aside from the Isles, the Habs lost the most amount of man-games due to player inactivity.
We’ve seen this before though, the ‘underdog’ coming out of nowhere and causing a huge upset? Look up Liverpool in ’05, Greece in Euro ’04, Miracle on Ice 80, Montreal Canadiens comeback VS Rangers 08, Nuggets over SupeSonics in ’94. I could literally go on for hours and hours.
What’s to say that these Habs can’t pull off something remotely resembling that? Is this edition of the Boston Bruins that good?
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics” is a quote attributed to Benjamin Disraeli and popularised in the US of A by mah homeboy Mark Twain. The phrase refers to the persuasive power of numbers to back up weak arguments.
I’m talking about Boston’s seemingly overwhelming suppremacy to their Thursday night opponents, the bleu, blanc et rouge. The B’s were second in the league in goals scored, had the fourth best powerplay in the NHL, a good Penalty kill unit and conceded the least goals in the entire league.
Our Montreal Canadiens finished 21st in goals against, their PK unit was 11th, the usually dominating powerplay could only muster up a percentage of 19.2% which was good for 13th, and they also scored the 13th most amount of goals in the NHL.
We have no chance. These Boston Bruins are just too good, right? Don’t jump on the black and yellow bandwagon just yet.
I see a strong, organized, talented but beyond Zdeno Chara and Marc Savard, very ordinary team. Is Tim Thomas as good as people make him out to be? Once again, you can point at the numbes. I belive Tim Thomas is a good goaltender, don’t get me wrong. But I think he was helped by Boston’s domination over teams this year. Would he have taken a team like St Louis or Columbus to the playoffs? I have a hard time thinking he would have been able to. Rattle him, get in his face, and he lets in weak ones. He’s really just a fat Matt Damon.
Dennis Wideman is a very good, reliable Dman, and aside Chara, they make a very formidable presence on the back end of the ice. They will probably play against the Koivu line, and the human gorilla will be charged with neutralizing Kovalev. Too bad for him there’s two other guys on that line that are pretty good too.
Don’t get me wrong, Boston is the hardest opponent the Habs could have faced in the first round, they have a formidable attack and a tough D, and if our defense plays like it did for large parts of the season when we sucked and let in 500 goals a game, we’re in trouble. But if they play like they know how, notably Komo and Hamrlik, we have a chance.
Any team always has a chance. I don’t know which smart motherfucker said it, but “hard work will always beat talent, if talent doesn’t work hard”. We’ve gotta get both going, and hit ‘em hard and make ‘em work hard. We have to create traffic in front of the net, I want that crease to be as crowded as a Fillipino whorehouse.
We have to play to our strengths, and not to theirs. We can’t play Boston Bruins style hockey, we need to play Montreal Canadiens style hockey. We need to beat ‘em with our speed and also be gritty when the time comes.
Andrei K, the season has started. Plekanec, I love you and the fact that you think goatees are still cool, but you gotta step it up man. D’Agostini, Sergei K – I don’t care which one of you plays, but whoever it is, go to the net and stay there. Keep your stick on the ice and cause ‘em troubles.
Steal a game and the mental games start. This is a team we beat 12 times last season, and the only major roster difference is that they added Michael Ryder. Is Ryder really that dominant? No, he’s from Newfoundland. Hockey’s 70% mental, and if we manage to get a win in Boston, the doubts in their minds start to form.
Every monkey with a half brain that works for TSN, CBC, ESPN and even RDS has picked the Bruins to win, and rather easily. Those are the same guys who, at the beginning of the season, predicted these very same Habs would finish atop the East and make a run to the final. The same guys who said the Bruins would struggle to get into the playoffs. The same guys whose ‘expert analysis’ pointed to the Habs’ lack of size in picking them to finish 14th in the Conference last year.
Let them hate. We’re up not just against these Bruins, but against pretty much anyone and everyone who watches the National Hockey League. When you’re in the heart of the fire, you gotta keep going. That’s what they say. You gotta keep moving, and you’ll eventually get out of that fire.
Saku Koivu said being the underdog can only benefit the team. Glen Metropolit was quoted as saying he’s ready for the Bruins. Alex Kovalev, without having to say anything, is gunning for Tim Thomas and this Boston team.
For once this season, no one expects them to suceed. Sports have always surprised people. No one can be sure of the outcome, no matter how much the circumstances favor one team, not even the performers. I say bring ‘em on. This is a huge chance to salvage this centennial season, and I just don’t think this version of the Montreal Canadiens will let that opportunity pass them by.
Do you really wana bet against guys that re-wrote 100 years of history?
My Crystal Ball of Truth : The East
I realise there’s a matchup missing from my awesome preview, but I need a day to let all the hate for the B’s get outta my body.
Washington Capitals/New York Rangers:
Will Jose Theodore finally carry a team on his shoul…hAAAAHaHAHAHAHAHAHA I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I couldn’t finish that sentence without cracking up. Ok be serious now! If Theo screws up like he’s so prone to, Washington may be in trouble. If Theo becomes SuperTheo and steals a game or 2, I just don’t think New York has the D to handle Washington. The Rangers have the more experienced team, so in that department they’re advantaged, but Washington is perhaps the most explosive team in the league. It’ll be interesting to see one of the best powerplays in the league against the best PK during the regular season. New York has the edge in goaltending, but I just think Washington has too much talent for New York to contend with. I will say this though: if the Rangers can steal a game in the capital city and rattle Jose, Caps might find it tougher than they anticipate. Caps in 7…unless Theo sucks the life out of them.
New Jersey Devils/Carolina Hurricanes:
There should be a rule to avoid a series like this. UGH! DO I REALLY HAVE TO PREVIEW THIS!? Well, Marty’s Marty. He’ll always give his team a chance to win, and if Parise/Langenbrunner etc. play the same way they did during the regular season when Brodeur was out, the Devils will be a very hard team to beat. Erik Cole/Paul Maurice/neither revitalized the ‘Canes after their respective arrivals back with the organizations, and they finished the season as one of the best teams in the NHL. Prediction: Tie… No? Not possible? UGH! I think New Jersey is built for the playoffs and they play too well in the postseasn. Even though Carolina will have their moments, I just don’t think they have enough to knock off the Devils. New Jersey’s too disciplined/organized/experienced/good to lose to this ‘Canes team. Brodeurs in 6.
Pittsburgh Penguins/Philadelphia Flyers:
The battle of Pennsylvania, yada yada yada. Sidney, Malkin, Guerin…you know the names. Penguins are birds that can’t fly, and that’s just wrong. Flyers fly, I assume that’s what their name means. Having said that, I think Philly will find it hard against the Pens’ speed. I also give Pittsburgh the edge in goal. Biron isn’t pulling off his heroics like he did last year against Montreal, YOU BETTER NOT! So yeah, Pens in 6.
Ok, Habs-Bruins preview coming tomorrow. Like I said, sun’s out and I gotta go clog my pores. See y’all.
Bears are fat
You’re fucken dead. You say we’re cocky? Well motherfuckers, we have reason to be cocky. How are those 5 Stanley Cups working out for ya?
Our team is taking the plane tomorrow and is gona take a shit all over your faces. The massive gangbang will be dominated by Habs players and personnel, even the skate sharpeners will get some action.
All you motherfucks are gonna pay. You’re the ones who are the fuckholes. We’re gonna fuck you up while you watch us and cry like little bitches. Once we get to ‘BeanTown’ and get in that sorry excuse you call arena, you fucks are gona know what’s up. We’re gonna make you eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then re-eat our shit which we made you eat beforehand. After that, we will piss on all you fucks and force you to drink that piss, and you’ll also be told to repiss that piss and put it in a blender along with your shit which is made up of our shit that we made you eat before and our piss and your piss which is consisted of our piss that we made you drink after we fucked you.
It is fucken on, you black and yellow wearing fucks. Thursday, 7PM. FUCKEN BE THERE!
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